All of them. Seriously, all of them. So much. 

I’m so stressed out and exhausted and it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to get any better. I have like 50 billion assignments due this week and I don’t see any way that I’m going to get them all done. I hate not getting things in on time. It makes me seem like such a slacker and I  feel like a total failure. 

I’ve been admitted to the hospital 4 times in the last week plus going to IOP everyday for 6 hours and I feell like I’m going to break down any second. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally at my limit. I can’t do this. Worst of all I feel like a total fake for continuing to smile through it when inside I’m having the mother of all anxiety attacks. But I mean it’s not exactly like I can just walk up to my teachers and be like “hey, what’s up I have an eating disorder, and I just spent the last 6 days in and out of the hospital because I can’t bring myself to eat properly because I feel so shitty about myself and my screwed up mind has convinced me that losing 20, pounds despite the fact that I’m underweight, will solve all of this” I hate asking for extra time. I feel like everyone  either doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to talk about it. They always say come in for help anytime before or after school or at lunch. Haha well, sorry I wake up at 5 every morning to go to the hospital so the doctors can make sure my heart my heart is still beating because sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it because I’ve spent the last 8 years starving myself. Then after school I get to go spend another you hours at the hospital for treatment wooh! And at lunch well, I’m just too busy having a panic attack in the bathroom over the granola bar I’m trying to force myself to eat.  

So here I am, sitting here, where I’ll be doing homework until 4 am. Then spend yet another day walking around school in the verge of crumbling to bits and exhausted out of my mind. This can’t go on forever. I can’t do it. My body can’t put up with this much longer. I need school to be over. The only thing I am looking forward to right now is the end of all this added stress. Summer needs to come faster!! I need to be able to breathe again.